Today my friend asked me a very simple question that I genuinely hate: How are you? And being a straight forward, honest person as I am I answered him: Meh,
feeling blue today.
After that the question followed that became a very reason of this piece of
shit writing. He asked me: But why, what happened?
Then it hit me – apparently I need a reason to feel shitty. After that I
tried to remember if anyone has ever asked me that same question when I said:
„Thanks, I’m OK” or „I am really good, feeling fine”. NOPE. No-one ever asked me
to explain myself when I was feeling
alright. Which seems kind of surprising
to me. I find quite unbelievable that someone can be fine and feel good in a
world that is obviously full of suffering and struggles. In a world where
nothing ever comes easy and if it does, it leaves you rather confused. In the
world where there is more questions than answers, where there is more threats
than safety. How come anyone can be just fine despite of all that?
The state of sadness and despair seems so much more natural to me yet for
some reason I have to justify it every time I admit that I am not in good
spirits. To be honest – 90% of the time there is no apparent reason for
feeling this way. And listen – that is not even a point! Sometimes shit hits the
fan and we are full of energy and willpower to clean it up and put it back in a
shit jar. But sometimes everything seems to be in order and we just can’t pull ourselves
out of the bed.
As far as I’m concerned both extremes are equally natural expressions of human
life. So please, pretty please, stop pushing each other into justification of
falling into one of them. Or I swear to god, I will start to interrogate
everyone who is always „fine”.
I am feeling blue today. It’s OK, it shall pass. Just as your „being fine”
one day will convert itself into something unexplainably awful. Just give it a
rest – let the sadness be as it is in it’s full glory, no justification, no explanation needed. Without it you would never know what the joy means.
